I know that everyone thinks their family is the greatest, they obviously have never met mine. As goofy as itmay sound my Grandpa is one of my best friends. On my way home from high school I would stop just to sit on the couch and watch Gunsmoke. Usually as kids, when our granparents start telling stories we roll our eyes and listen reluctantly. Not me, and not with my grandpa's stories. I have been trying to convince him to write them down for years. Since no one listens to little old me I decided I will do it myself.
Cocoa and the Coon.
Through the years my grandparent had many dogs. Unfortunately I can only remember one, Cocoa. Cocoa was a Chocolate brown german short hair pointer. Grandma would say they got him just to be a pet, however Grandpa would say he was strictly a hunting dog. While on a hunting trip grandpa had a brilliant idea to slow the dog down. I guess cocoa was running to fast and to far and scarring the animals away. Who knew? Grandpa took a few springs, kinda like the ones on a trampoline, and connected them to the collar. They seemed to be working pretty well slowing the dog down. Just imagine the poor puppy running around (it helps if you add in the elephant march from winnie the pooh.) Now we all know how mean racoons can be especially if you interupt their meal and that is exactly what cocoa did. Now when Gramps Tells this story he gets real excited and you can see the glee in his eyes. So the dear dog pissed off the coon and a fight quickly ensued.They were wrestling around first it was cocoa on top than the coon. As they ran further andfurther away grandpa was having a hard time keeping up, and trying to get a clean shot on the racoon. As smart as he was, cocoa took the party to the pond. Unfortunatley, racoons can swim. Poor cocoa was not only being pulled down by the racoon but the springs weren't helping much. Then the racoon went for the jugular! Have no fear the trampoline springs were there! Every time the racoon tried to go for the neck, he got a mouthfull of metal spring. Soon enough the dog won and the coon ran away! The dog escaped with minor scrapes and scratches, and Gramps escaped with a great story.
There are many more to come! Unfortunately i type slow and think even slower!
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Really?
Have you ever had those experiences when afterwords you take a step back and more or less want to scream really?! Work at Wal-Mart for more than 2 weeks and you could write a book. It isn't a terrible place to work, but i wouldn't exactly recommend it. Although it is a horrible place it serves as a great source of entertainment. So here are just a few of my favorite stories.
The Peanut Lady: (Thanks for this one Jare!)
A woman walked up to Jared and asked if he would help her find the WIC approved peanut butter. God only knows the government can't make anything easy, but WIC is terrible. Jared being the fantastic person that he is walked her over and said, "Here they are. You can choose both of these brands in either smooth or chunky." The woman immediately replied without skipping a beat, "oh my kids cant have the chunky, they are allergic to peanuts." Really?! What on earth do you think the smooth stuff is made of! Oh those poor, poor children.
SEXY Sunday
Normally, on a Sunday, not many exciting things go down at the Centerville Walmart. Normally when you check people out you don't really care, or pay attention to the things that they are buying. Unfortunately I was bored this time, so not only did I pay attention to the items in the basket but I tuned in to the conversation. They were a young couple about my age and were about to have some great fun. In their basket were things like condoms, lube, whipped cream, lingerie, and one of those vibrating penis thingymajigies. When the girl came back from going to get a diet coke I will never forget what she said. "Why do they not have dildos here?!" Really girl? This is a family establishment, as much as a giant chain store can be. Still, I'm sure they could have found a better store to meet their needs.
Best Present Ever!
Valentines day at a store you more or less see men running in frantic buying flowers and chocolate, And then there was the coolest girl ever. On my belt heading towards the register there was a sexy night gown, 2 bottles of baby oil, a painting tarp, and a game of twister. Finally I built up enough courage to say something and all she said was "it's gonna be a fun night." She had told me her plan was to put everything in a box with a dinky little homemade card on top. Honestly I wish I had the balls to do something like that. More power to you mystery girl! I'm sure every man would love to have a girl like you!
There are so many more wonderful stories to come. Especially since I can no longer get fired for saying whatever I want!
The Peanut Lady: (Thanks for this one Jare!)
A woman walked up to Jared and asked if he would help her find the WIC approved peanut butter. God only knows the government can't make anything easy, but WIC is terrible. Jared being the fantastic person that he is walked her over and said, "Here they are. You can choose both of these brands in either smooth or chunky." The woman immediately replied without skipping a beat, "oh my kids cant have the chunky, they are allergic to peanuts." Really?! What on earth do you think the smooth stuff is made of! Oh those poor, poor children.
SEXY Sunday
Normally, on a Sunday, not many exciting things go down at the Centerville Walmart. Normally when you check people out you don't really care, or pay attention to the things that they are buying. Unfortunately I was bored this time, so not only did I pay attention to the items in the basket but I tuned in to the conversation. They were a young couple about my age and were about to have some great fun. In their basket were things like condoms, lube, whipped cream, lingerie, and one of those vibrating penis thingymajigies. When the girl came back from going to get a diet coke I will never forget what she said. "Why do they not have dildos here?!" Really girl? This is a family establishment, as much as a giant chain store can be. Still, I'm sure they could have found a better store to meet their needs.
Best Present Ever!
Valentines day at a store you more or less see men running in frantic buying flowers and chocolate, And then there was the coolest girl ever. On my belt heading towards the register there was a sexy night gown, 2 bottles of baby oil, a painting tarp, and a game of twister. Finally I built up enough courage to say something and all she said was "it's gonna be a fun night." She had told me her plan was to put everything in a box with a dinky little homemade card on top. Honestly I wish I had the balls to do something like that. More power to you mystery girl! I'm sure every man would love to have a girl like you!
There are so many more wonderful stories to come. Especially since I can no longer get fired for saying whatever I want!
MY FIRST POST!
Oh man, I gave in. Although I had many ideas as to what my blog should be, I combined them all. First and foremost I assume I should explain the title. My whole life, my sister Becca has called me Shay bug. More than likely it was because she could not stand me. Only, of course, in the most loving sense of that statement. Now, as my sisters have heard the call to multiply and replenish the earth, it is so much fun to walk into a room and hear "Shaayy bug!" in a cute little high pitched screech. So, true to personality, this may end up being a jumbled mess of food, music, family, and tales from the crypt, (stories from my days at Wal-Mart.) All in all this may just turn out great, or it will be an epic disaster. Here We GO!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)