I once loved listening to peoples problems and offering advice, and then I learned how truly hard it is. I have a very hard time not internalizing other peoples pain and trying to solve their problems on my own. That my friends is the exact reason why I am not a social worker. In high school I was a peer counselor, college I was the person people went to for relationship advice. That one just boggles my mind! As I get older this is all getting a little easier, but perhaps it is the subject matter that makes me actually want to listen.
For some unknown reason I am now my friends foremost authority on sex. Maybe i would have stayed in college if I could have gone to be a sex therapist. I'm not sure if I should feel honored that they feel comfortable enough with me to have this conversation, or a little terrified that they think I am a floozy. I honestly wish that there wasn't such a negative stigma about this subject. I think it is something that should be as easy to talk about as ice cream.
For many reasons, the names of my friends have been changed. Unlike the girls in "Sex and the City," I dont think my friends would be okay with the whole world knowing their sexual exploitations. A couple weeks ago one of my very best friends texted me asking "can I ask you a question?" As much as many of us would like to reply with a firm "no," we all know that the answer is always yes. I will not lie, the question that followed took me by complete surprise. "How do you feel about friends with benefits?" This coming from the same girl who is a virgin in her mid twenties,(which is odd in any other state,) and bound and determined to get married in an LDS temple. So, I gave her my opinion. I think it is an absolutely terrible idea! No matter what someone is going to develop feelings and end up getting hurt. Then the thought clicked in my head, "who was she about to sleep with?" I had to ask, "okay missy what on earth are you thinking about doing?" She then told me that she was thinking about having "casual encounters" with a gentleman she has known for sometime. Now usually I would take what I like to call the SITC approach, (Sex in the City,) and say go for it. This time however is different.
This is her Virginity we were talking about! Now I obviously lost that precious little V card a while ago, I did have a baby at 18. I would never take that first time back. As terrible as it was, everyone's first time is, I was completely in love. I would however change my age and quite possibly the place. I knew it wasn't my place to talk her out of it, so i just told her the truth. Ultimately it is her body. Who am I to decide whether or not she is ready for that step. I wasn't, and yet I took the plunge. Ultimately, she discovered this boy has a girl friend. What a complete D-bag right?! It ended up being an even better idea that it hadn't happened.
This whole thing led me to decide one thing. If she would have had someone to talk about this with, or even better, if it was socially acceptable for conversations like this to just happen, perhaps this decision would have been much easier for her to make on her own. My whole life i have only had one girl friend to talk about sex with, so i have officially decided to now have millions. Why Not? Someone in this crazy state we call Utah actually needs to be truthful and honest about the reality of life. And the reality is, We ALL do it!
Welp Good night. :-)
I am totally out of it. I must be getting old :) Are we talking about like sharing details about sex lives here or medical things or the nastiness of the whole deal ? I don't get it. Who isn't being truthful and honest? Mormons have sex all the time. All the time. Personally though, that relationship is so special to me that I choose not to talk about it. Not because its not awesome-because it is. But because its something that is based on so many levels of our relationship-a relationship that takes a lot of hard work. There is trust, and love, and companionship, and vulnerability, and on and on and on. Maybe not as fun as meeting someone at a bar, sleeping with them, and being done. However, I kind of like going to sleep with the same person every night and knowing that person is going to be there for me tomorrow and every day after that. I guess I'm old school.
ReplyDeleteGood topic Little Sis ;) Love you!